the scoop

Ten things you wish you could say to 10 different people right now (don't list names)(FYI: I seem bitter, ouch)

1. I've never truly been able to get over you. I think I will always love you. I don't know whether or not I should tell you. I don't want to risk our friendship. I think I'm too much of coward. Every time I picture my future your in it. I know in some capacity you will always be in my life. I wish he never made me that bitter that I pushed you away.

2. Why can't you make up your mind?

3. I hate that we no longer have a friendship. I love you so much. You've been there through some hard times. Times, that I don't think I would of made it without you. But I'm tired of fighting this fight for your attention. It isn't fair to me. No one should have to try as hard as I do for your friendship.

4. I compare myself to you all the time. The choices that we've both made and how similar those choices are. It honestly makes me sick to my stomach. I don't want to end up anything like you. I have to remind myself daily that I'm not you. I've done so much more than you.

5. I'm going to miss you so much. I will miss getting coffee, pizza, and counting cops. I'm so sorry that I won't be here for the baby. I'm so thankful that you are so understanding and supportive. We've been through hard times together, said things that were aren't proud of but honestly, I think it's made us closer.

6. Wake the f*ck up and realize that you have a great life and husband, something I would give anything for. Get over yourself. Stop with the Jesus speak, He created help, so go out there and get it, you need it. Or I will be watching you on Court TV, not because your a cop but because you've blown up some building or killed your husband.

7. After everything I've done for you, all the times I've bailed you out, listened to you whine, fixed your problems, you walk out on me. Not just walk out, but while I'm hysterical. Hysterical in such a bad way that I threw myself to the ground in tears and couldn't breathe when you shut the door behind you. I couldn't even calm down to call my sister so she could talk me down. I hate you so much right now. I hate that I hate you. You chose a stupid girl over me. I don't think you realize how much that hurt me. I sound like such a bitch by saying this, I hope you fail without me. I hope you grow up and ditch that long haired freak you call your best friend. He is nothing but a loser. You are so much better than that. Thanks for the ten years, but I'm cashing out. Done, over, forever. I can't believe you don't support this move. You told me that if I stay there that I will never see you again. I know you didn't mean it, but you weren't thinking and that hurt. I hate that you tell people all these wonderful things about me but you've never told ME anything that shows you care. You say I'm your rock and how wonderful I am but NEVER once to me. You take me for granted. I have nothing but anger towards you right now, you've riped my heart out. Words can't even express how angry and hurt I am. When I think of you, I just breakdown and cry. I can't help it. When you decide you grow up, find me. I won't be waiting.

8. Know how much I look up to you. I try so hard to be you. I hate that I hide things from you because I feel like you'll be ashamed. I know you won't be but I just don't know how to express my emotions, thoughts, and ideas. You know how to do everything so well. I love you so much. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm sorry that in the process we've both lost three important relationships. Honestly, I wouldn't trade one of them for a moment with you.

9. I wish I wasn't so dependant on you. I'm scared that when we both leave, you'll die. I know you won't take care of yourself. I couldn't imagine living without you. I wake up in fear of this. Your my best friend. I tell you everything. I hope that I'm what you wanted.

10. I hope that I can be there for the wedding. If not, I'm sorry. I really am. I want to be there but my career/future is more important to me. Sorry for the selfishness.


Nine things about yourself:

1. I keep things too bottled up
2. I try to make changes but I revert back to my old habits
3. I will do anything for a friend, which makes people take me for granted
4. I don't even know what I believe in anymore
5. I wish I could get that spark back
6. I love TV, too much
7. I'm lonely
8. I've never really been in love
9. I hate to argue

Eight ways to win your heart:

1. Smile
2. Chips and Salsa
3. Hate the Utah Jazz
4. Listen
5. Be Intellectual
6. Be open to everyone
7. Desire to travel
8. Humor

Seven things that cross your mind a lot:

1. Money
2. Survival
3. Travel
4. Career
5. Doing what is right
6. Letting things go
7. Failure

Six things you wish you never did:

1. Stopped my motivation
2. Walked out of the Hilton
3. Become bitter
4. Left Florida
5. Voted Nader in 2004
6. Let myself go

Five turn offs in a guy:

1. Lying
2. Cheating
3. Cockiness
4. Long hair
5. Utah Jazz Fans

Four turn-ons in a guy:

1. manners
2. intelligence
3. sarcasm
4. facial hair

Three careers you would consider:

1. Meeting Planner
2. History Teacher
3. Tour Guide

Two things you want before you die:

1. Be a wife and a mother
2. See as much of the world as I can

One confession:

1. I need some guts